Sheila Day 3
Putting on a smile to make someone else happy. I wonder how many individuals in the world are doing just that? On some level, I hate that this blog makes me think so much that my brain actually hurts. Weirdly enough, once the brain hurts, my heart hurts even more as there is just so darn much pain. I have watched people that have just dealt with a death, paste on their smiles, greet those who have come to mourn with them, and yet, I know behind the smile, there is so much pain. I work with students that have a brutally hard life, where they have dealt with blow after blow after blow, and yet, they too put on their happy faces, and I know behind the smile, there is so much pain and suffering. I have heard people say brutally cruel words to another where the words have cut the other individual to the very core of their being, and yet, they shove that pain someplace and put on their happy face . . . sometimes even to the individual who caused the hurt. And then I got to thinking about my own life. Many would tell you that I am a positive person; however, I cannot count the number of times that I too have pasted on my smile in a quest to hide the pain of my own life.
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Sarah Day 3
I'm a little frustrated right now as I have been trying to write this blog post since 8:00 PM. I have written, and re-written, and re-re-written, but here I am, starting over again. So if this is a success, I will have re-re-re-written it. Actually, there is really no possible way that I can fail this time because I'm literally writing about not being able to write. My writers block is kicked in full gear.
I woke up early this morning, cleaned up the apartment a little bit, went over to check on Jordan and Sam's cats, and then I began my schoolwork. I have been writing non-stop since 1:00 PM on Oceanic Dumping, which is one of my final assignments. It's a topic that I chose because it is a problem. How can I work for so long on something that is so heavy, but now when writing should be a piece of cake, I just can't? This blog is supposed to be light and happy and cheery, but the things that I have learned today and the things that I know, all weigh a little heavier on the heart.
Isn't it frustrating that we can love doing something SO much, but sometimes it is beyond difficult to do? Nearly impossible, almost. For the fitness coaches out there, you love working out but some days it's the last thing that you want to do. For the health nuts, you love being healthy, but sometimes you just want to eat the crap you're craving. And for the teachers, you love your students but the last thing your doctor ordered for that screeching migraine is 20 kids. Or for the servers . . . you enjoy waiting on people but for one day you would really rather be waited on.
Sometimes, it's really hard to smile and pretend that you're doing exactly what you want to be doing. Who says we have to act like it's always easy doing what we love or what we're usually really good at? That's just not the truth. It's not always easy. I definitely love writing, but in this moment, I'm not so good at it. Fortunately, for me, I am allowed to be honest with you all right now and tell you that. I'm definitely not saying that you should be bluntly honest every time you do something that you don't want to. Greeting your table with, "Hi, my name is Sarah and the last thing I want to do tonight is wait on you" probably won't go over real well. In that case, the fake smile and pretending is your best bet. =)
Sarah
I have to admit that I am already struggling to communicate on some level what I know, because in reality, there is so much that I honestly do not know. I think Rah and I are in the same place because at only day 3, we both feel as though we are searching for some sort of direction. I am looking for something, I am listening for something I cannot hear yet, and I know something is out there, but why can't I seem to find the thread that will weave through the course of this blog. I am looking everywhere for inspiration, for something that will spark the fire as I try and and meld the words together into something that has meaning for me. UGHHHHHHHHHH!
My journey today began with a little trip to Facebook where I often begin my day on the weekend. I grabbed a cup of coffee with peppermint mocha creamer, my blanket, and the laplander cat plopped on my lap as soon as I sat down. I like to take some time and look at pictures, read some quotes, have a laugh or two, and just see what kinds of "stuff" has happened through the past day or so. This morning, the first image that popped onto my screen was the one above, and for some reason, I just cannot seem to let the image go today.
Robin Williams was a man that spent his whole life making people laugh. I actually remember when he entered onto the scene in Mork and Mindy! Dang! I am getting old! Then I got to thinking about all the films that he did that made me laugh, made me cry, and I remembered that smile of his touched me on a lot of different levels. That smile of his. That smile of his hid so much pain and suffering that the world never really knew about until it was, well, too late . . . sigh . . .
I put that image into the back of my brain for the morning and moved onto other things. Then my sister called. My sister who spends her life capturing images and smiles for hundreds and hundreds of families to share for generations to come. She was on her own journey today and headed to a joyful event, but she was not feeling so joyful. This is her busy season and she has been swamped. I am sure that there were 1000+ things that she would have liked to get done, but alas, she was going to celebrate the upcoming birth of a kiddo for a friend that she loves. While she was there she would capture the joy of a pending birth, create more images, that would require her to do even more work to make others happy. She is tired. I could hear it in her voice. Then she said these words, "I gotta go hun, time to put on my fake smile, and head in . . . I love you." I know the fake smile was NOT because she did not want to go, but rather because she is simply physically and mentally exhausted. And now, I have two images in my brain . . . one of the quote this morning, and one of my exhausted little sister putting on her happy face to make someone else happy.
I wonder on some level if the smile has the ability to hide the pain that is deep inside of us creating a place to house the scars and the worries from those that are around us. However, in a way, the fake smile is like a wall that keeps those out that might actually be able to help us in our life's journey. I wonder why that is so hard for us to do? Why do we protect ourselves so much? Why are we so afraid to ask for help? Why don't we take the time to ask what is behind the fake smile? Or . . . do we care? UGHHHHHHHH, the quest for knowing equals more and more questions that are seemingly unable to be answered, and then I found this quote: "Smile and let everyone know that today, you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday!"
Ahhhhhhhhh . . . there it is young grasshopper, something that I learned on my journey today. I smiled through the tough stuff, and each and every time that I did, I was able to gain strength. Kind of like a fake it til you make it giving the pasted on smile an actual purpose.I think that when we have to gain strength from the inside out, we figure things out for ourselves, and on some level, through that journey we find peace. Now that does not mean that we don't need others to help us on the journey along the way, because I know from my own personal experience that we do. However, I also know that a lot of folks just don't want to know other people's "stuff" as it is painful enough to have to deal with our own. So I will leave you with this, "Sometimes a smile hides a huge pain that only God knows about" and "you would be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides." Then next time you see a smile, stop and say a little prayer for the person wearing it, it might mean more than you could ever imagine!
Sheila
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Sarah Day 3
I'm a little frustrated right now as I have been trying to write this blog post since 8:00 PM. I have written, and re-written, and re-re-written, but here I am, starting over again. So if this is a success, I will have re-re-re-written it. Actually, there is really no possible way that I can fail this time because I'm literally writing about not being able to write. My writers block is kicked in full gear.
I woke up early this morning, cleaned up the apartment a little bit, went over to check on Jordan and Sam's cats, and then I began my schoolwork. I have been writing non-stop since 1:00 PM on Oceanic Dumping, which is one of my final assignments. It's a topic that I chose because it is a problem. How can I work for so long on something that is so heavy, but now when writing should be a piece of cake, I just can't? This blog is supposed to be light and happy and cheery, but the things that I have learned today and the things that I know, all weigh a little heavier on the heart.
Isn't it frustrating that we can love doing something SO much, but sometimes it is beyond difficult to do? Nearly impossible, almost. For the fitness coaches out there, you love working out but some days it's the last thing that you want to do. For the health nuts, you love being healthy, but sometimes you just want to eat the crap you're craving. And for the teachers, you love your students but the last thing your doctor ordered for that screeching migraine is 20 kids. Or for the servers . . . you enjoy waiting on people but for one day you would really rather be waited on.
Sometimes, it's really hard to smile and pretend that you're doing exactly what you want to be doing. Who says we have to act like it's always easy doing what we love or what we're usually really good at? That's just not the truth. It's not always easy. I definitely love writing, but in this moment, I'm not so good at it. Fortunately, for me, I am allowed to be honest with you all right now and tell you that. I'm definitely not saying that you should be bluntly honest every time you do something that you don't want to. Greeting your table with, "Hi, my name is Sarah and the last thing I want to do tonight is wait on you" probably won't go over real well. In that case, the fake smile and pretending is your best bet. =) Sarah
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