Sheila and Sarah - Day 29 - Life is a gift . . .

Sheila Day 29

My new reality is that my kids have all grown up and gone their own ways, they all work different shifts, I am no longer a couple, but rather a single, and my life's picture looks way different than I ever imagined it would be.  The holidays kind of serve as a reminder of that for me, and sometimes I find myself alone, trying to figure out what to do as others are celebrating with their loved ones.  Please, do not feel sorry for me, as that is not what this is about.  However, Christmas day I was going to be alone.  I had several offers, but it is hard to morph into other families even if I am semi-comfortable with them. My kids had plans with their dad and late last night my friend Kim and her grandma Marion asked if I wanted to ride with to Fargo to see her mama Sharon.  I said yes as I knew how hard yesterday was for all of them as doctors relayed difficult news.

For those of you that have had loved ones in the hospital over the holidays, I hurt for you.  It is so difficult to try and make something seem semi-normal when your lives are literally on a roller coaster ride.  Last week, Kim's dad called me and said that Sharon had something that she needed me to do for her.  She was so excited as she told me about the gifts that were hidden in the basement for Kevin, Corey, and Kim . . . all of her babies.  You could hear the anticipation in her voice and then she gave instructions.  Please wrap them up, Corey gets the blue one, Kim gets silver, and Kevin white.  Then make sure that they bring them to the hospital where I can watch them open their gifts and see their faces.

The gifts were heavy and it took an act of God to get them all up the stairs, loaded, unloaded, wrapped, and reloaded into Kim's van where they would make their way to Fargo for her mother to give them on Christmas.  We talked again on Sunday and I told her our mission was complete.  She knew that she had found the perfect gift for her babies and I wonder if she knew on some level that this may be the last one she ever purchased . . .  sigh .  .

Today did not go the way any of us thought it would, and I can honestly tell you, I would have rather been anyplace else as it is heartbreaking to watch those you care for suffer on any level.  Sharon was in horrible shape when we arrived.  I cannot even put into words how helpless everyone felt.  She could not get comfortable and nothing seemed to help.  She was breathing, but it was labored and full of effort.  It was nearly 2:30 when we decided to try and let her rest and find an open restaurant on Christmas Day.  Thank God for Perkins and weirdly enough we were not alone.  It seems as though a lot of folks are kind of misfits on Christmas and we joined the ranks today.  The conversation mirrored Sharon's health as it was also a bit labored.  We were all pretty quiet as sometimes there just aren't any words.

When we went to the car, Ronnie's phone rang.  It was the hospital and we needed to get there asap.  Sharon was bad.  When we arrived, we were whisked into the family room.  As a pastor, I have been there and done this.  As a wife, I have been there and done this when Cal's dad was dying from cancer.  As a chaplain, I did this over and over and over and over.  I know how this chapter ends . . . I knew what was coming next. I heard the words echoing in my brain and I watched as the world crashed for a family who was being told their loved one was going to die.  Again no words . . .

The rest of the family was called and many were headed to Fargo to share perhaps the last hours, minutes, or seconds of a life that was such a treasured gift to them.  However, something I will never forget as long as I live happened in the next moments.  Once the family was called, and Sharon was made comfortable, we were allowed in to see her.  Kim stood by her bed holding her hand and I prayed with them.  Sharon knew us all and tried to keep her eyes open.  After a few minutes, I asked Sharon if she wanted to see Kim open her gift and she perked up and nodded her head.  I brought the gift over and she watched as her baby girl opened the gift that she had so carefully chosen for her.

Kim loves music and always has a radio going, sometimes two.  Sharon had gotten each of the kids a Bose radio for them to have in their homes.  Kim smiled at her and said, "You little sneakster, how did you know that was what I always wanted?"  Sharon giggled and was so excited.  It was one of the sweetest moments that I have ever been a part of.  Giving that gift gave Sharon life even if it was only for a few moments in time.  And more importantly, as Kim, Kevin, and Corey listen to the music that resounds from the speakers, they will always remember the mama that gave them that gift.  And my prayer tonight is that gift always reminds them that life is a gift, and sometimes the perfect gift gives you life.

And tonight I am writing the final words of this year's Christmas blog from my recliner and not at the hospital where I spent most of my day.  The family needs to be a family . . . it is precious time, special time, and healing time. I knew I needed to find my way home and Kim trusted me as I have walked this path before. She and I took off and my kiddos sacrificed to come and get me half-way.  Their dad sacrificed his Christmas time with them so I could make my way home.  The last thing Kim said to me was write that "life is a gift" and as I reflect on the last 29 days, I believe that I have done just that.  I have written about the little treasures in life that we find hidden in the minutes, seconds, hours, days, months, and years.  And if tonight is the time when Sharon passes from this world into the arms of her Father God, I pray that her family remembers that life gave her the gift of every single one of them.  Indeed, life is a gift, and a family that loves us gives us the beautiful gift of life.

Sheila

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 29

I'm sitting here right now writing this final post surrounded by my brother, sister-in-law, and my pops. We're reminiscing on stories of the past, and chatting about the future. Although all of the laughs are quite distracting while I write, I'm feeling very blessed. It has been a long and busy day, but it's never a bad day when your spending time with loved ones. That being said, my last post of blogging season is going to be short and sweet tonight. 

I've learned a lot over the course of the last 29 days, but the main two things are to always have a plan and to write with love. Do you know what I know has been a struggle this year. We decided at the beginning that we weren't going to have a specific plan for the blog . . . we just wanted to write and see where the wind took us. I think that was where we first went wrong. The previous two years of our blog, we had a pretty concrete plan, which made it much easier and more enjoyable to write. The first year we had to do a random act of kindness, and the second year we needed to see a good deed being done. Going into every day and not knowing that there was something specific that had to be done, made it so much more difficult to write. 

Due to our lack of plan, this blog has caused me quite a bit of stress on a daily basis. I thought we were headed in the right direction when we started to talk about what we learned in the day, but it never really felt like we got our footing. There are usually several things that I learn on a daily basis, but learning something that is blog worthy is the hard part. I wish I would've taken more time to just write what I want to write because I love to do it. This blog is meant to bring Mom and I joy, and if it brings other people joy too then that's a bonus. Unfortunately, we got caught-up in the number game and it affected our attitude. Lesson learned. Do what you love to do because you love it.

That being said, we have had a handful of people who have said several times that they look forward to reading what we write every day. That it's the first thing that they do in the morning, or the last thing that they do at night. That means more to us than you'll probably ever know. It seemed that when the number game brought us down, there was always one amazing compliment to bring us back to earth. I want to say THANK YOU to those of you who showed us that our beloved viewers are there! I have learned that large numbers do not matter as much as we thought they did. I only wish that I would have learned that much quicker. Blogging this year has been a blessing in disguise. Although we do not know if we will be back for Christmas next year, we will definitely continue blogging when the time feels right. 

I hope you all had a very blessed holiday, and have a wonderful New Year! Next time you hear from me, I'll be a married woman!

Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 28 - Merry Christmas Eve:)

Sheila and Sarah Day 28

Tonight Rah and I are cuddled in on my couch, Sophie is plopped on her chest trying to get some loving, Mama kitty is looking like Scrooge, and Lucy is outside playing in the puddles.  We are going to write together as we want to really just spend some more mama and daughter time.  There is a movie and some munchies that are calling our names!!!

I learned today that there are only 31 days left until Rah and Jesse's wedding!!!  I remember vividly from Jordan and Sam's wedding how quickly the last month goes.  Rah had her wedding dress fitting this morning and I am told that it "mostly fits" although I a not exactly sure what that means.  I am guessing that the seamstress has a little bit more work to do.

She stopped and grabbed our favorites from China King, had a brief conversation with Shirley, and trotted north for mama time.  We each grabbed our indulgences and a recliner . . . quiet.  IT WAS SOOOOO YUMMY!  We just sat there and ate our Christmas Eve lunch which would also be our Christmas Eve dinner.  Chinese leftovers are the BEST!

We were going to just watch Christmas movies, but we do actually have some wedding tasks that needed to be accomplished.  We spent the next four hours planning, purchasing some items, and checking things off of the wedding to do list.  From one list to another. Man there is a lot to think about and I am learning that each and every detail costs MONEY!  I thought about everything from cupcake wrappers and cake toppers to snack boats and gumballs.  Then there were stickers and tags and cake decorations and place card holders and HOLY MOLY BATMAN there is so much to ponder!  I have learned through the process that Sarah likes to look around at a lot of things, throw them in her cart, and not hit the send button.  WHO else does that sound like?????  Today we took things from the cart, hit the send button, and made some forward movement.  We found some awesome deals, and with two of us searching, it was so much easier as we are both visual people.  Wedding planning on Christmas is kinda FUN!

We warmed up our supper and hit the recliners again while we watched the end of yet another Hallmark Christmas movie.  We agreed that some of the acting is kinda cheesy, but it is nice when something in the world is all rainbows and butterflies, because we both know that much of it is not.  You have look for the rainbows in the thunderstorms of life.

BLOG time and we both agreed this has been a brutal year for us to write.  I am not sure if that is reflected in the words we wrote, but tomorrow we are going to both spend some time re-reading to really discern what we learned.  Cuddled into the couch again, I started to write.  Rah likes to sit and watch me and talk while I write.  Then the TV went to only words.  WE learned that if stare at the remote from the couch because the satellite is going to turn off, the remote does not move until one of us gets up from the couch!  Holy couch potatoes batman!  WEIRD it just reconnected and neither of us moved a muscle.  Thank you Christmas Spirit.  Mwahaha!

I heard from my friend Kim that her mama Sharon is not doing well tonight . . . this is a painfully difficult Christmas for all of them.  They need to be together as a family and treasure each and every moment.  There is a lesson in that for all of us.  Please keep them all in your prayers as they really need them, and a Christmas miracle would be such a blessing.   Sigh . . .

Sheila and Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 27 - Christmas Blessings

Sheila Day 27

Today was a busy, busy day and the Christmas festivities have begun:)  It seemed like nearly every minute was full of little Christmasy moments and warm fuzzies.  I love this kind of day!  This morning I was up bright and early as I had TON to do.  My friend Jodie and I trekked off to get a cow.  I'm sorry Rah, but this girl NEEDS BEEF!  Forgive me if that sounds, well . . . a little twisted.  BUT I am definitely a carnivore.  I respect Rah's feelings and this is the most humane way I can think of to get a side of beef.  I love to have my freezer full:)  I cleaned out my freezer so I would be prepared and waited for her arrival. Off we went! Am I allowed to pipe in on this paragraph? - Rah

There is a little old gentleman by Strathcona that did the processing and he was totally CUTE!  What a sweet little man and I marveled as he lifted the heavy boxes of beef out of the deep freezers.  He and I chatted for a few minutes and he told me how old he was.  85!  85 years old and has been cutting meat for over 40+ years.  How incredible is that!!!  I opted to pay a little more than he asked for, we loaded the beef, and trekked off for my place.  When we got there, we split it all up as I was headed to bring my mama her portion of the beef.  PHEW!

Wrapping, wrapping, and more wrapping.  Check that off the list too . . . DONE!  Packing, packing, packing . . . staying at my mama's for a sleepover tonight.  Check that off the list too!  Cooking, cooking, cooking.  I cooked supper for my mom and grandma so we could have a home-cooked meal.  Check that off the list.  Mary!  I wanted to do something for my Mary!  I also needed to meet Rah quick because she had something that I was waiting for,  H & D Floral ALWAYS makes us happy, happy, happy.  I love all of the trees, the ornaments, and all of the colors!  I wanted something cozy that made Mary feel warm and fuzzy.  Soft scarf!  Homemade!  Perfect:)  Hugged and kissed Rah on the cheek and I was headed to RLF for some much needed mama and grandma time!  Bonus, I got Mary time too:)  Sorry Mary, you are minimally famous!  She posted this picture not long after I left with the following message: "Having a wonderful afternoon. 1st a surprise visit at the shop from a very special friend Sheila Michaels & 2nd I am wearing the beautiful scarf she gave me. The smile is on my face cause she put it there."  Happy, happy, happy!

Supper was lovely and my grandma is so dang CUTE!  I bought her a card and a sweater for the wedding.  She tried on the sweater that I got her for Christmas with the blazer I found for her birthday.  Grandma is a hotty patotty and will be stunningly beautiful for Rah and Jesse's wedding.  Grandma loves Jesse!  She thinks he is very handsome and has mentioned that many, many times!!!!  WAY CUTE!  Grandma had been making Christmas candy and I got a plate of them to share with my kiddos.  I also received a lovely handwritten card.  That one will be saved in my Bible.  Some day my kiddos will wonder why mom saved all of these cards in my Bible.  BUT each one reminds me of someone or something special.  Then when I open the pages, all kinds of little treasures fall out.  We had a lovely supper, sweet conversation, and then mom and I delivered some of grandma's treats before we headed home for some girl and cat time!

Did I mention Grandma is 92!!!!!

Mom and I got comfy, made some coffee, grabbed blankies and settled in.  We sat and visited, opened gifts, talked some more, and then as is her tradition, we watched A Christmas Carol.  I love this movie even though it has been years since I have watched it.  Her cat Muffy is a pain in the drain.  One lap then the other.  She is so used to it just being her and mom that I totally rock her cat world.  Two laps, two choices, two people to pet her, and she lap-lands first on moms and then on mine!  Mom got Muffy at a very tough time in her life and she has been a total blessing.  I found her on Facebook, mentioned her to mom, and she and I took off to get her.  In many ways, she has been a lifeline for mom.  Thank God for furry friends!!!!

Me and Muffy!

And now I sit on the couch, reclined and writing.  Mom and I are going to chat more when I am done, but for now she is packing to go to my sister Dawn's.  We will remember today fondly. The laughter, the tears at things now gone, and the joy that lies in our futures. "God bless you ever one"--Little Timmy in A Christmas Carol.

Sheila

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 27

I imagine that in our final three days, Mom and I will mostly be blogging about Christmas, and the time we spend with the one's we love. After all, that's what Christmas is all about, right? Which all reminds me why Mom and I chose to begin this blog in the first place. This was a really difficult time for us last year and the year before. Our family was trying to adjust to change, continue old traditions, and realize that it was time for some new ones. Christmas is not the easiest season to feel like your family is falling apart. I'll never forget how we all grieved in 2012 and 2013. Each of us had entirely different ways of coping with the pain, which made it challenging to try and find a way to brighten spirits for everyone. Regardless, life went on. We did what we had to do to move forward, and it seems that 2014 is going to be a little less painful for us all. I'm so thankful for that.

Since dating Jesse, I have learned that Christmas can be really chaotic because there are so many different family functions to try and attend. Neither one of us want to give up our family traditions, so in the past we have found a way to make it almost everywhere. Unfortunately, Jesse and I will be missing a family gathering on his Dad's side in Roseau this year because of Jesse's work schedule, and my plans with my own Dad. Christmas in Roseau is always so much fun too! There are usually younger cousins running around or playing video games. Everyone else hangs out to chat, drink cider, and eat Grandma Castle's delicious pies! It's a really warm environment and all-around just a great place to be to catch up with everyone. I'm bummed that we can't be there this year. I know we'll be missing out.

Today I spent most of the day hanging out with my Pa. We went out for supper and a drink at Sundance Dining because Abdul is one of our good family friends. The food was AMAZING! Seriously. I haven't had a meal that good in a long time. If you ever go there, I highly suggest the bruschetta. And if they have a chef special, order it! Yum! Anyway, after dinner, Dad and I came back to watch Netflix by the Christmas tree with the kitties. Sounds cozy right? Yeah, we were watching Inside Cocaine Wars. Ha! And yes I did pick it, don't judge me. It's one of my favorite shows. I think because I'm so oblivious to the some of the things that actually happen in the world. Dad was interested too but he said he already knows most of what goes on with things like that. I made myself stop watching after the third episode because I had to come write. It was a fun evening. Just like the times we used to have when I was living at home.

Tomorrow, I'm looking forward to spending Christmas Eve with Mom. We're going to snuggle up in our sweats with the fireplace on, watch some Christmas movies, order China King, and just relax. Of course I plan on giving her kitties all sorts of love and attention too, as there will be plenty of time for that! Christmas Day will be spent with Dad. Jordan and Sam are going to meet us in Fertile for lunch, and later we'll all come back to the house to hang out with Dad and have a nice supper. Sadly, Dad will be working, but again, that's law enforcement and we'll take what we can get! On the afternoon of the 26th, Jesse and I will be going to his Dad's house for their family Christmas, and then in the evening we'll be going out to Mom's with Jordan and Sam to have our family Christmas with her. I think I'm going to try and squeeze in an hour with Jesse at his Mom's early on the 27th as well. Oofda! Like I said, hectic! But it a good way. I'm incredibly lucky to have so many family members to share Christmas with. And if today was any insight on how the next few days will be, I think it'll be a pretty great holiday!

Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 26 - NOT PREPARED:)

Sheila Day 26

After I did some of my Christmas wrapping over the weekend, I realized that I was going to have to make a dreaded trip to Grand Forks to finish up some of my shopping as was not prepared!  I actually panicked a little bit, because the crowds, and the cranky salespeople, and pushy folks that are a whole lot of Grinches have the tendency to make me a very, very NEGATIVE NANCY!  I much prefer to shop in the comfort of my own home where I can add thousands and thousands of dollars worth of stuff to a cart, dream of what I would like to buy, and then hit the send button when I find what I deem the perfect gift.  Often, I love the hunt for the item that I loved in the store and I search for the deal of the century that lets me get it much cheaper.  Plus, I just do not like crowds that much, and this time of the year, well . . . shopping for me is not a whole lot of fun!  However, it NEEDED to be done.  So I trudged to Grand Forks bright and early this morning.

My first stop was at Cabela's . . . weirdly enough, the parking lot was almost empty.  SWEET!  I literally had the entire store almost to myself.  I wandered around, found what I needed, and was out of there in record time.  One for me!  Second stop, Scheels.  On a good day Scheels can be swamped and I anticipated that it would be AWFUL on December 22nd.  NOT!  I got to wander again at my leisure, touch some things, pick out what I needed, and even made idle chit chat with a lovely saleslady.  WOW!  As I made my way through the mall, first one store, then another, and another, all the same thing . . . peace, quiet, and easy shopping.  The only place someone got a little cranky was Macy's when I asked a salesgirl to strip the mannequin to get a lovely sweater for my grandma to wear for Rah's wedding.  You would have thought I asked for the Holy Grail, but no matter, everyone else in the store was amazing.  I made it in and out of the mall with everything I needed in an hour and a half!!!  I was so incredibly proud of myself and more than a little bit happy.  IF I had known, I might have tried this last minute, unprepared, strategy MUCH sooner:)

Off to get my oil changed at Rydell's.  Again, I was kind of dreading this stop as it is really boring to sit there and wait while your vehicle is being serviced.  BUT if you have never been to Rydell's it is a customer's dream!!!  They have hot chocolate, flavored coffee, fresh cookies (3 kinds), and a slushy machine.  ANDDDDD they also have Ipads so you can sit and surf the web while you wait.  It was actually quite lovely and the service was AWESOME!  Additional bonus, because I bought my new vehicle there, I get 2 years worth of free oil changes!  In and out in less than a half an hour.  FREE!

Last stop was Target as I needed to get a few things to send to soldier Boe in California.  Strangest thing ever!!!!!  When I walked in, it was completely dark.  The power had gone out on the whole block and I cannot tell you how what I discovered made me feel.  Peace!  People were shopping in the dark, looking at the things they needed, smiling at one another, and sales people stood by the door and offered folks apologies and Christmas cookies. Nobody was disruptive, or looting things, or disrespectful . . . it was total peace.  It gave me the most incredible feeling.  THEN the lights came on and people made their way to the checkouts.  Midstream the power outed again and clerks had to wait for their cash registers to reboot.  Behind me there was a woman and she was holding back the tears.  Her purchases were at the till and she told me that she thought she forgot her wallet and headed home.  She found it and bolted back in.  She said something about how horrible the day was and mentioned getting to the airport, and the tears trickled down her face as she turned away.  I smiled at her daughter and told her to go ahead of me.

It took awhile for the registers to work again, but salespeople apologized, people laughed, and they handed out cookies for those in line.  Kiddos thought that was AWESOME!  The woman ahead of me finished up, smiled and said thank you, and bolted out of the store.  This trip made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside as I found a bit of peace on earth good will towards men:)

I made my way home from my days journey and stopped to get my mail.  I have to point out that I love this time of the year and all of the cards I have received hang on my wall; however, I totally STINK at sending them out!  It is not as much fun when flying solo.  There were several Christmas cards and there was an larger manilla envelop and the return address was Martin from Oklahoma.  Martin?  Could this be from my Tammy Martin and how on earth did she ever FIND me? Tammy and I worked together as youth directors and I miss her a lot.  I see occasional posts on Facebook, but we have not connected in awhile.  This was from my Tammy. Sigh . . . I made my way into the house, plopped in the chair, and opened the manilla envelop.  In it was the most beautiful letter and a CD of her church band.  I cannot put into words how much it meant to read that the blog has touched her and for her to share the other things that she did.  God landed in my lap often today and that letter made the ending to my day of preparation totally perfect!!

Peace,
Sheila

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 26

My post today is going to be a bit shorter than usual. I'm heading home tomorrow morning for 4 nights and I have NOTHING ready. I still have to pack my bag, load up Christmas gifts, clean up the apartment, AND make Jesse something for his potluck at work on Christmas day. I only have a few hours in the morning as I have to workout at 6:30 and manage to be on the road by 11:00 at the latest. So I must get my butt in gear!

Tonight has been a happy night! Jesse and I decided to celebrate Christmas with the cats! Well, I celebrated with the cats. Jesse just watched and laughed, and he managed to snap a few good pictures. I have always bought Christmas gifts for my kitties, so this year was nothing different. Although Jesse and I opted out of buying gifts for one another this year due to our . . . lack of funds . . . we still set out some money for the furbabies!  
On their wish list this year were some treats. Obviously! Booboo asked Santa for some catnip filled mice, Pea asked for some of his favorite balls to play fetch with, and Grayboy asked for some compressed catnip, and more treats because he's fat and on a diet. Santa Sarah brought them everything they asked for, and a bit more! A new fuzzy kitty blanket for the couch for them to sleep on! Santa doesn't like when the cats get fur all over every single blanket it the house, so the solution was a blanket of their own. 

Christmas in the soon-to-be Castle household is minimal this year with the wedding coming up. It makes me a little sad because I love to Christmas shop, especially for my main man. However, I feel fortunate that Jesse and I were able to have a couple hours to hang out tonight and celebrate Christmas with the kids. He has been working the last 3 days from 7:00am-7:00pm and he works tomorrow through Christmas day. Growing up in a household with a police officer, I knew that Jesse and I were going to have to celebrate most holidays on a different day. I'm okay with that . . . Booboo, Grayboy and Pea, though . . . not so much! But they are learning, so we are just trying to enjoy our Jesse time when we have it!

Christmas with the kids!

All done. And now they're high on life, and catnip.

Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 25 - Sigh . . .

Sheila Day 25

Last night I had already written my portion of the blog before I went on Facebook.  I have to admit that I am not much of a news watcher as it is totally depressing much of the time.  It feels as though there is one thing after the other that reflects more bad news.  So at the end of my day, I opted to go and do a little creeping and see what was up.  Then I saw it, the picture that indicates that an officer has been shot.  Because the badge was a NYC Badge, I knew instantly that the tragedy had happened there.  Then I searched to try and determine what I had missed through the course of the day.  Then I called Rah. She is usually on top of things, and simply put, I wanted to talk.

I knew that she was going to write about the NYC tragedy and we talked about some really deep things  as there is so much there are often more questions than answers as families lives are forever changed by the actions of one individual.  I laid awake last night for a long time.  I could not help thinking about the families of the slain officers, the new bride, the friends, the officers that work together and are like family, and I kept thinking about how to make sense of the brokenness of this world that we live in.  How do you prepare for the catastrophic events that forever change a life's path??

This morning I went to church.  My mom was going to meet me in St. Hilaire at a cozy little church that I have been doing preaching at and going to off and on.  Pastor Frank's message was an awesome one and he talked about the premise of being prepared.  He took us back to a scene long ago when Mary was ill prepared as an angel came and in all likelihood terrified as he told her the "good news" that she was going to have a baby while still a virgin, then imagine the scene as she dropped that bomb on her fiancé Joseph.  How could you possibly prepare for that?  Then the newlyweds have to go to Bethlehem to be counted for the census.  Mary was due any day and rode on a donkey with her water about to break at any moment.  When they arrive there is mass chaos of others and there is no room for them to stay anywhere.  The only place they could find was a stable and that is where Christ was born into this world.  An imperfect family, messed up and broken, and yet, amidst the chaos, God literally lands in their laps.

Nobody could have prepared Officer Ramos's wife and two sons for the tragedy that was going to happen yesterday.  The morning for them probably went much like the others that had gone before them.  Dad gets up, he puts on his vest, then his uniform, his shoes, and he bolts out the door.  Maybe he kissed his wife and told them he loved them or maybe they were still sleeping when he left to face his days . . . who knows, but the day started like many others before.  None of them were prepared for the officers that no doubt came to their door and spoke the words that make one's worst nightmare a reality.  That little boy will not have a father this Christmas, his brother will go back to college after break with a shattered world, and the mother will have to face her world as a widow.  Nothing in the world could prepare them for that . . .

Ramos' son Jaden wrote the following words on Facebook:  "Today is the worst day of my life." Today I had to say bye to my father."  He was there for me everyday of my life, he was the best father I could ask for.  It's horrible that someone gets shot dead just for bring a police officer.  Everyone says they hate cops but they are the people that they call for help.  I will always love you and I will never forget you.  RIP Dad."  

A newlywed of 2 months.  My guess is that they are probably still paying the bills for the wedding that recently happened.  They were still basking in the glory of just being a new couple.  They prepared for the wedding, probably saved money for it, they invited their family and friends, and they celebrated their union as husband and wife.  Two short months . . . 60 days . . .1440 hours . . .86,400 minutes . . . and then, the world that was supposed to be forever crashed.  Officer Liu probably got up, put on his vest, donned his uniform, his shoes, and bolted out the door much the same as his partner. Maybe he kissed his bride . . . again, who knows.  She would have never been prepared for the officers visit where they would speak the words making her worst nightmare a reality.  Nothing in this world could have prepared her for that . . .

Both of these officers dreamt of being police officers.  They prepared by getting their education, they interviewed for their positions, and they dreamt of making a difference in this broken messed up world that is full of tragedy.  But the truth is, sometimes no matter how much one prepares, the variables happen.  Mary and Joseph prepared for a life together, they dreamt of having a family some day, and then the variable happened, and God landed in the center of their lives.  Officer Ramos and Officer Liu prepared to be officers of the law, they dreamt of making a difference for their community, their families, and this world they live in, and then the variable happened, and my prayer tonight is that God lands in the center of this tragedy and helps bring peace, strength, healing, and hope in the lives that those officers touched.

Prayers of Hope,
Sheila

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 25

One thing that I have really learned this year is exactly what the quote above says. "The trouble is, you think you have time." Tragedy always strikes when we least expect it. None of us imagine that we'll be the one to lose our life today in a shooting, a murder, to cancer, a car accident, on the clock, or off the clock. I have learned through all of the deaths that have happened to people around the world this year, that I need to start doing what I brought to the Earth to do right now. I pray that I have the time to to do all of the things I want, but honestly, all the time in the world wouldn't even be enough. 

The two officers that were killed yesterday had hopes and dreams of their own. They had their own special loved ones in their lives. They had a family to go home to and they had a career that they loved. I imagine they didn't see death coming even though that's the risk of the job. Just because a person is taught that it's a possibility doesn't mean they are prepared for death. These two officers thought they had time, but their time was cut short. I wonder what their lives would've looked like if they were given another 40 or 50 years. What goals would they have achieved? How many lives would they have saved? Would they be satisfied with how their time was spent? When I think about it, it's hard to even wrap my mind around the fact that yesterday they were alive and today they are not. Death is not an easy concept to grasp.

Regardless of what the officers could have achieved in their future, I truly believe that they did exactly what they set out to do. Working for the NYPD was probably one of their biggest (if not their biggest) dreams in life. They were brought to the world to protect their city from harm and to risk their lives for their community. Their journey was to make the world a safer place for all people. They were given the law enforcement life because God knew they were strong enough and brave enough to live it. Officer Ramos and Officer Liu both took a bullet so that their brothers and sisters in uniforms could live. It could have been any two officers that were shot that day, but God decided that they were ready because they made their mark in the world. They died heroes. And if we could talk to them today and ask them if they would have done anything differently, I bet they would say no. Their dying in that moment, in that way, meant that their brothers and sisters all got to live. That is the ultimate sacrifice, and that is brotherhood. 

I want to know that whenever God decides that it's my time to go, that I have made my mark on the world. I want to start doing the things that I have always wanted to do, and I don't mean bungee jumping. I want to help people, teach people, and inspire people to live a more humane lifestyle. I want to save a whole bunch of animals, and make it illegal to declaw a cat. I want to see people grocery shop with reusable bags, and chew biodegradable gum. Or at least spit their gum in a trash can rather than on the sidewalk. I want random acts of kindness to turn into just kindness - kindness that is happening all the time, rather than at random. I want to leave this world knowing I made it a little more peaceful for all beings on Earth. I don't want to leave feeling like I wasted my time. The time is now. 

Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 24 - A moment of silence . . .

Sheila Day 24

Kim, Jodie, Karin, and Me

I am incredibly lucky!!!  My mama always told me when I was growing up that I would be lucky if I had one person that I could call a "true friend."  That one person that you could tell all of your deepest, darkest secrets, the one you call when your life is a mess or when your child gets engaged, the one who  loves you in spite of all of your flaws, that kind of a friend is rare.  I think what my mom was trying to teach me at a young age was that you should treasure a friend like that because they are rare.  I did not just get one friend like that, I got several!

I told you about my friend Mary who has been a dear friend forever.  I have known her the longest and we always reconnect like it was just yesterday since we last talked.  BUT Last night I hung out with the gals above, we shared a ton of laughs, had some good food, a beverage or two, and just relished in "girl time!"  Different God moments led me to each of the incredible women that I have been blessed with in my life, and I could talk forever about how I have "friend" fingerprints all over my life!  However, tonight I want to tell you a bit about Karin.

Karin, Jodie, and I met as chaperones in 2003 when we traveled to Atlanta with 100+ youth going to the ELCA National Youth Gathering.  Jodie had just lost her husband not very long before that and it was a tough trip for her.  We spent lots of time laughing, staying up late talking, and decompressing about life.  We were connected as friends through that life event.  Then we traveled in 2007 to San Antonio, again as chaperones.  But something happened while on that trip.  We had just toured the site of the Oklahoma Bombing and we had stopped for supper when that "call" came in.  You know the one, the one that tells you that your life is about to change forever.  We were together when we found out that Karin's nephew was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq.  It was so incredibly painful to watch as she struggled to make sense of that tragedy amidst the crazy, wild, joyful chaos of the youth gathering and kids being kids.  It was like the worst kind of double edged sword.  And yet, at a very difficult time in her life, we were there to support her, pray for her, and help her find her way through the tragedy to see the light of God. 

Karin is an incredible woman of faith and an AWESOME mama to her babies.  This past summer, her baby Boe, decided that he was going to enlist in the United States Marines.  I will never forget the conversations that happened after Boe made that decision . . . the decision that forever altered not only his life's path, but also that of his mama.  Karen's internal struggle was a battle like no soldier has ever experienced.  You see as moms we support our kiddos with superhero strength, while inside, our worlds seem to shatter into shards that stab our hearts, and we struggle to keep breathing hope into our babies.  After all, we protected them as they grew in our wombs, we watched as they took their first steps, we cried when they cried, and then we let them grow wings and fly . . . we are their biggest supporters.  I am am one of the friends that Karin calls when her faith is being tested.  She needs me to somehow help her see her God and have faith amidst the turmoil.  Now I want you to know that this mama is so proud of her son, but she also knows that soldiers can lose their lives fighting for all of us to have the freedom to live ours.  She knows firsthand how the phone call goes that forever changes the reality for families that have lost their soldier.  She has been there to support her sister, to mourn her nephew, and she knows that could be her reality too . . . she is terrified . . . and all she can do is pray to her Father God to protect her baby as he serves HIS country.

In October of 2014, I had the honor of doing a sending service for Boe with his family and friends surrounding him.  I invited all of those there to lay hands on him, I blessed a cross that I bought for him, and placed it around his neck as that is the only jewelry he could take, we prayed for him, and then we all waited for the news that Boe would head to San Diego for basic training.  That news came, and on October 28, 2014, recruit Boe Garthus took off with nothing but a cross around his neck and the prayers and love of his mama, daddy, family, girlfriend, and friends as reminders of the home he left.  This was a hard day for Karin.  I do not know the pain that she felt as that was hers.  She cried.  She prayed.  She worried.  And I want you all to know what an incredible sacrifice it is for the mother of a soldier, because I watched my friends heart break as her baby flew the nest to the unknown waters of the Marines.  I am so incredibly proud of both Boe and Karin.  You see Boe sacrificed his own life for all of ours, and my friend Karin gave up her son, so my son and daughter, my grandchildren, and I can have the freedom to live ours. 

When my baby is getting married in January, Karin's will be graduating as a Marine!  Last night we talked about it and I choked back the tears as several trickled down her cheeks.  I can only imagine how much pride and honor that mama will feel as her baby walks across that stage in his military dress uniform.  Boe's family and girlfriend will all be traveling to be a part of this day and it will be AMAZING!  I know that behind every soldier is a family that loves and supports them, sacrifices their own lives as their soldier serves their countries, and they actually are the few, and the proud!  Please pray for Boe, Karin, and all soldiers and their families . . . they really need them.

Peace and Prayers,

Sheila   

If you would like to send a letter to Boe, his address is below. Send it in a white envelop to:

Recruit Garthus Boe

SDI Staff Sergeant Crabtree, S.C.

2nd BN Fox Co. Plt. 2126

36001 Midway Ave.

San Diego, CA

92140-2131

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 24

After our post a few days ago about Jordan's job offer with the Fargo PD, I can't help but write about the news of the two officers that were killed today in New York City. Although I am incredibly proud of all the law enforcement officers in my life, this news reminds me that law enforcement is dangerous, and every single officer is putting their life on the line every day when reporting to duty.

The two officers in NYC were ambushed today and murdered for no good reason. They were targeted because of their uniform. The officers didn't even have a chance to think, or to fight back. Officer Rafael Ramos and Officer Wenjian Liu were shot in the head . . . they made the ultimate sacrifice.

What disgusts me the most is what the killer posted on his Instagram. According to the reports, he wrote on his account, "I'm putting wings on pigs today. They take 1 of ours, let's take 2 of theirs." And then a bit later he posted a picture of a silver handgun and captioned it with, "This may be my final post." Of course the POS took the easy way out and after he shot the two officers, he took off and then killed himself. 

A couple of weeks ago, Jesse got an email that was sent out to law enforcement agencies nationwide about how they should be on guard for certain groups of people that are targeting law enforcement officials. They are being targeted because of a few isolated events that have been largely debated by the public. I think it's really sad that because of these few unfortunate circumstances, all law enforcement officers are being dubbed bad by so many people. The majority of officers are not looking to hurt people and most of them are not doing anything to be militias. I think that people definitely have a right to their own opinion and they have a right to be upset, however, it's very easy not to acknowledge that they don't know the details of every situation. The POS who shot the two officers today killed them in revenge of something that the officers probably had nothing to do with. Why does any group of people get lumped into a stereotype based on the actions of few? 

We are praying for the families of those who have lost their lives tonight in the line of duty, and yet, those prayers seem so inadequate. Those families are left trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their now broken lives. The only thing we can hope is that they see God in the eyes of those that are there to support them as they go through this terrible tragedy. 

God be with all those who serve. 
Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 23 - Riding the wave!

Sheila Day 23

Today I am writing early as I have tickets tonight to the Sawyer Brown concert with friends and I want to just enjoy the evening, plus I will probably get home very late.  Yesterday was in many ways a bipolar day full of highs and lows.  It was so exciting to share the joy we felt as Jordan received his confirmation that he would indeed be serving the Fargo PD!  We have been waiting for what seems like forever as we did not want to announce anything until the last "i" was dotted and the last "t" was crossed.  All of us knows how it feels to have the slats pulled out from under us and we wanted to make 100% sure.  So we waited patiently, and some of us (ME), not so patiently!!!!

Last Friday, I opted to spend some time in Fargo.  This is getting to be a habit!  We opted to celebrate early as Jordan had finally completed each and every element necessary to become and officer.  I think it is important to celebrate life's joys both the big ones and the little ones.  After all, in the blink of an eye, the winds of life can change and we have to shift our proverbial sails, find another path, and even another place to sail our life's sails.

I was really on a low yesterday morning.  I tried to call my sister, she was swamped with work stuff and could not break free.  I tried to figure out what my major issue was, but I just could not pinpoint what it was. I have to admit that I was really worried that Jordan was not going to get his job. I panicked about wedding stuff that needs to be done.  No wrapping done in my house.  I had work tasks that needed to be completed before I could leave for the next couple of weeks and get some much needed R&R.  I looked at the blog and that was a downer too as it seemed like very few were reading it.  I kinda just wanted to crawl into a hole and have a real nice pity party for myself.  WOOOOOOOOOEEEEE is MEEEEEEEE!

Then the day shifted into a first, then second, then third, and finally, we were full speed ahead.  I had some time to hand out some gifts to my employees that totally ROCK!  I work with some amazing people and I wanted to do something for them to just say thank you!  They make work FUN!  Then we got HAMS!  Every employee got a nice ham.  I know that it is just a ham, but to me it is a HAM!   I made sure to say thank you as someone went to bats so we all could have that HAM! I love presents!!  It totally made my day.  I was talking with one of my students about quitting the blog next year.  She FREAKED!  She said you CANNOT do that!  I love it!  Then I heard about Jordan's job and that just sent me over the happy edge, and all of the sudden, everyone was invited to the happy party!  

Last night, writing was full of inspiration and love.  These men have all touched my life and I am so proud of all of them!  I got to write about something that I know and what was written was from the deepest places of my heart.  I actually sat in the chair and cried as I wrote.  I spent almost 28 years of my life as a cops wife.  I remember the sheriff's wife, my neighbor, giving me the ins and outs that I needed to know laying out how tough it was going to be.  She told me about the sacrifice.  She told me it was going to be hard.  She was right.  I still wake up in the middle of the night for no reason like I did when I was waiting for Cal to get home.  I still worry that something will happen because I know that it can and does.  Now I have two young men I love that are on that same path.  Now when I wake up, I will pray for all of them as the streets are much different than they were when I first was a cop's wife.   Then I pray for their wives as I love them too!  Sigh . . . please pray for all of our law enforcement men and women, EMT's, firefighters, military people as they all work to keep us safe.

Today, I know that what we wrote mattered to some folks because Rah and I got told.  It melted my heart and made this whole entire blog-rama (Blog Drama) worth it!  For the next few days, I am just going to enjoy riding the wave until the waters push us to shore for another year. 

Blessings,

Sheila 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 23

This afternoon I had a bit of Christmas shopping left to finish. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to wait until today, but unfortunately that's what happened. I knew that I was in for it because A. it's Friday and Friday's are usually no less busy than Saturday. B. There are only 6 days left until Christmas. And C. It's Bison game day. Regardless of the all the chaos and traffic, I had to finish my shopping, so I ventured out around 2:00. 

Mom and I have talked a bit about how holiday shopping sometimes tends to make people grumpy. There have been multiple times where I have went out to Target or Walmart, and people run into me with their cart and they don't apologize. They cut me off in the isles without saying excuse me. They budge in front of me at the checkout lines. And they often times don't even stop for me at the crosswalk when I'm leaving the store. It can be very frustrating. I understand that this time of a year can be stressful for people because of limited time and limited finances. Trust me, I do NOT have extra money this holiday season with the wedding coming up, but regardless, shopping for others never puts me in a bad mood. I am always happy to be out and about picking up whatever gifts I can somehow afford to purchase.

Today was different though. I was so pleasantly surprised today when everyone seemed to be in such a great mood! It was not what I was expecting at all. Of course I had myself thinking maybe everyone who was at the mall was from Minnesota. You know how people talk about "Minnesota nice?" It's a real thing, I'm telling you! Minnesotans are usually very nice and respectful and many North Dakotans just . . . aren't. Regardless, I loved passing by strangers in the mall and having them smile at me. When I went into Victorias Secret, the workers were actually walking around having full conversations with customers. There was several times that a passerby and I would accidentally brush shoulders, and we would both apologize and giggle a little as we walked away. The vibes today were refreshing and I decided that I actually picked a GREAT day to shop!

Seriously though, no offense to anyone! 

By the time I left the mall it was dark outside. I couldn't remember exactly where I parked so I sauntered down the rows pushing the lock button on my key chain until I heard the honk of my car. It took me a few minutes to notice, but I realized that there were several people wandering outside looking for their vehicles and pushing the honk button. It seemed like every second there was at least one or two "honk, honks" happening near me. So I took a second and looked around at all the people trying to figure out which "honk" was their vehicle, and I just started to laugh. How stupid!! But what a life-savor that lock button is! 

Today I learned that I think it's important for me to try and surround myself with people who are positive and happy. I started my day at CrossFit and spirits were so high from the second I walked in. I knew that I was going to have a tough workout as it was my 5th day for the week, but being surrounded by such a great group of people assured me that I was still going to leave in positive mood, regardless of how my own personal workout actually went. And then being out shopping noticing that for the first time in a while, people actually seemed to be in the Christmas spirit! Laughing at a bunch of lost folks who were looking for their vehicle honking their horn is not something that I would normally pay attention to. However, because my day was filled with so much random joy and happiness, I couldn't help but take that moment in and just laugh. I wondered if anyone else noticed that too. All I know is that for me personally, a good or a bad mood is very contagious and I would rather catch the good mood! 

Sarah

Sheila and Sarah - Day 22 - To Protect and Serve . . .

Sheila Day 22

Today is an incredibly special day for our entire family.  My son Jordan a.k.a. my Bunky, has been going through a grueling interview process for a position on the Fargo PD.  For those of you that do not know how this goes it is awful!  Many times through this journey I remembered how difficult it was as Jordan's papa went through the process to become a Minnesota State Trooper.  Jord was just a young grasshopper when Cal first began to interview for the patrol.  There was a brutal test . . . and wait.  Once that step was done, there was another . . . and we waited again.  Then I was interviewed and questioned . . . and we waited.  Then another step, and another, and another, and another, and we waited, and waited, and waited and waited.  It was AWFUL!!!!   When he finally had confirmation that he was going to be part of the rookie school beginning that summer, we were so relieved.  I had a little Bunky at home and a Bearsky on the way when Cal finally made his way to Arden Hills for training,  That summer was BRUTAL on us as we scarcely saw him for many months, and when we did, he was studying and preparing for tests, washing clothes, and I was ironing military pleats into everything.  He hardly ever came home because it would only be for a day or so.  It was a difficult journey for all of us!!!!

Cal never really wanted Jordan to follow in his footsteps.  You see, law enforcement is a tough life for families.  It is difficult when you always have to work on weekends, holidays, or celebratory family events.  It means a ton of sacrifice for families as they work together to support their cop. They are often the first person called if someone needs them, and also the first person someone trashes when things go wrong, they get a DWI, or a ticket.  I heard awful things said about my kiddos daddy, my kids heard wicked things said about their papa, and to say it hurt was a vast understatement.  As a family we knew the dance that happened after a fatality happened, and another, and another--always in 3's.  We knew which days were going to be good and which ones were going to be difficult.  Cal and I both know how hard this can be, and yet, our baby saw all of the "stuff" and still felt the pull that a much younger Cal felt when he first took his oath as an officer of the law. 

Jordan can be a little bit of a . . . well, pardon the French, a smartass!  He has a sarcastic edge that I must admit my kiddos come by naturally from my side of the family.  He graduated at the top of his law enforcement class and I was so proud.  As he began his speech, he said that his dad had been a pain in his ass since the day he started school for law enforcement.  He then told of a supper he had with his pops where his dad got really quiet, looked him in the eyes, and said, "With all the time you took to finish school, you could have been a DOCTOR!"  Too funny!  Jordan talked about his journey leading to that day when he walked across the stage.  He drove me NUTS in his academic quest.  The boy graduated with his AA, his Law Enforcement Degree, and his BS all in the same week, yes, it IS possible and it CAN happen!  Who does that?  That being said, this mama was incredibly proud!  

Jordan began the interview process in the beginning of September.  It is horrible to be a mom in this process and I am totally sure that I deserve a tierra with lots of sparkles.  Each and every step had me on edge.  He would make it through one and I would breath a sigh of relief.  Then there was another and I would pray for him before and pray that he could handle the results if they were not positive. We went through physical evaluations, psych evaluations, brain tests, physical tests, urine tests, and even lie detector tests.  I believe I can adequately say that every part of the boys anatomy was probed . . . I am sure the lie detector test was like confession.  I might like to see the results of that!  Today, on December 18, 2014, I am proud to say that my son is an official member of the Fargo Police Department.  On February 2, 2015, he will be sworn in and his father dressed in full patrol regalia will pin on our son's badge assuring the next generation will vow to protect and serve.

Tonight, I pray for Jordan, my future son-in-law Jesse, and Cal who all have vowed to protect and serve the communities in which they live.  I also pray for those instructors like Jim Jesme and Chris Bjerken who were valuable mentors to my child.  I pray for those who are on the streets right now and for those whose lives were lost.  You see to protect and serve is a family affair . . . behind every law enforcement officer is a family that loves and supports them, praying that God will protect THEM while they SERVE.  

Sheila  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Day 22

We are all incredibly proud of Officer Jordan. I don't want to call him Officer Michaels because Dad is Officer Michaels. Dad is retiring at the beginning of June, so then Jordan can take over Dad's name as Officer Michaels. 

After hearing the good news about Jordan's job, Jesse and I decided to invite he and Sam over for a celebratory dinner and a couple drinks. Drinks for everyone except Sam, because unfortunately she has to work tonight. On the menu tonight was sweet and spicy salmon with parmesan oven roasted asparagus and dinner rolls. Not too shabby for Sarah, eh? AND for those of you who read my post about baking, you will be proud to hear that I successfully baked homemade banana bread! Wooohooo!! It has been a great day.

Jordan, Sam, Jesse and I had spent a couple hours sharing a delicious meal and some great conversation. We talked about the details of Jordan's new job, if he's nervous, what he's excited for, and most importantly, when he gets is Fargo PD coffee cup. He's excited for that! Of course the coffee cup conversation led to where he's going to get his donuts from, because every law enforcement officer has to hear that one a couple hundred times in their life. The four of us always get along so well, so being able to spend more time together now that we're all so close is such a treat!

One thing that has always bothered me a little is I had to miss Jordan's speech the day that he graduated from the Criminal Justice program at Northland. I remember I was working on the campaign that day and I wasn't able to get out of it. For whatever reason, I just haven't been able to completely get over that. As Mom mentioned, Jordan gets sworn in on February 2nd. If I thought missing his graduation speech was a big deal, NOW I have the misfortune of missing that too as Jesse and I will be on our honeymoon. Seriously?!?!? Talk about lightening striking the same place twice. 

Nevertheless, I am beyond thrilled for Jordan and his new job. His hard work, dedication, and 45 career changes led him to where he is today. Not really 45, but at least 6 or 7! I admire my big bro for never settling for something he doesn't want. Even if other people disagree or question his reasoning, he's ultimately going to do whatever he wants to do. That's a very commendable and respectable quality to have. I'm looking forward to watching his journey and his career unfold. Officer Jordan is going to be one heck of cop!

Sarah