Sheila Day 9
It is confession night tonight, Whereas there are a lot of things that I am all right at, and some that I am pretty good at, and maybe even a couple that I am AWESOME at, there are some that I am AMAZINGLY awful at! Those that know me best, know that if I was a cat walking on a ledge, I would in all likelihood fall off! I struggle on a daily basis to find a way to maintain some sort of balance, especially as life gets crazy and hectic. The more I have to do, the more I think I can do, and I really think that I can keep all of the balls in the air at one time, and eventually . . . something simply HAS to give.
When I was a little girl, my mom and dad said that some of my first words were, "Me do it!" I wonder if on some level that was my life's theme. I love the quote that says, "If you think you can or you can't . . . either way you are right!" I love that because it is a reminder that if you believe that you have the ability to do something, that in all likelihood you actually can do it. Now, there are some times in my life where I probably should have aired on the side of caution, and realized that maybe I could not do something. For example, when I thought I could zip line across a mountain, and gracefully glide into the platform, and beautifully land a perfect 10.0, finishing my dream activity--NOT! In reality the scenario was much different. Instead of a 10.0 finish, I planted, broke my leg, and my dream trip to Hawaii turned into kind of a nightmare . . . yah, that did not end well. OR when I was skiing down the big girl hill and I pictured myself gliding effortlessly down the slopes with the swish, swish of my skis where I blazed into the chalet like a pro . . yah, not so much there either. In reality, my skis pulled me the wrong direction, I hit a jump for the experts, and I broke my shoulder . . . yah, that one did not end well either. You might be thinking, balance really IS my issue!! However, I would argue that although balance is a problem, my issue is actually that I believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. I struggle with finding the balance between what my heart believes I can do and what my mind knows I can't. Balance really is the key!
Last year I wrote about a gift from Mary, my best friend from high school. It came on a day when I was a mess and life was chaotic. That pair of Solemate socks has reminded me many times through the year about the kindness of a friend just because she cares (I gave away 10 pairs last Christmas as I thought they were actually perfect). Yesterday, I came home from work exhausted and still not feeling very well. In my mail, a card with a lil something in it with my friend Mary's return address on the envelop. She has known me since we were little girls, and simply put, no matter how much time has passed since we last chatted, we reconnect instantly. She wrote the following words: "Enclosed is a special bracelet. I have one as well:) I know your plate is plenty fill with planning a wedding, the holidays, and work. Remember to take time for yourself. Love Mary." She hit the nail on the head and that random act of kindness made my whole week!
This bracelet is a special one. It is called a Lokai and the story about it is quite cool. There is a black bead that contains mud from the Dead Sea reminding you that when you feel your lowest to remain hopeful. There is also a white bead which contains a drop of water from the highest peak of Mt. Everest; it reminds you to remain humble when you are on top of the world. The rest of the beads are clear marking the cycle of life which is our own journey in this world. Together they remind the wearer to find the balance . . .
It is extremely difficult for us to find balance especially when we are totally swamped with life's extreme ups and downs. It is seemingly impossible to balance our body, mind, and souls where we find that perfect spiritual place where all seems right in the world giving us the ability to find direction. Last night, the gift and card were a reminder for me. Amidst the joy and stressors of planning a wedding, of writing massive reports for work, of teaching classes and grading papers, of holiday shopping, and of 100+ other things that are going on, to take a moment, look up, and thank God for the life I have been given. I need to remember to take some time for myself and make sure I find the balance. Perhaps that is good advise for all of us courtesy of my dear friend Mary.
Sheila
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I think balance is a really great theme for tonight. I am also struggling to find a balance, but in my own way. My physical balance is pretty good. Unlike Mom, I had pretty smooth landings on the zip-lining experience in Hawaii. And I have also ended up on the wrong hill on my ski's but managed to make it down without falling and breaking a bone. There were 10 year olds going much faster than me, but I still made it. I grew up as a gymnast. I tumbled my way through eight years of gymnastics. I may be 5'10" now, but I used to be pretty short, so balance was something I was taught at a very young age. I would argue that I still have decent physical balance. However, it's the balance in my life and daily activities that I have a hard time finding.
I am a planner, so I personally feel that balance and planning kind of go hand-in-hand. On a daily basis anyway. I have to plan REALLY WELL to be able to work full-time, take full-time grad classes, plan the wedding, workout, and foster cats. If I don't plan accordingly, I will not be able to accomplish all of those things. It's the same with balance. I need to find a balance between working, classes, wedding planning, working out, and fostering. If I don't find that balance, something will get left out. The problem is that I don't just try and plan out my days, I try to plan my weeks, months, and years. I try to plan out my whole entire life. I don't like not knowing what's coming next. THAT is the difference between planning and balance. Finding a balance is up to me, but planning is ultimately up to God.
Although I am not working at the moment, I am STILL struggling to find a balance. I chose to take some time off to get caught up on my school work, wrap up finals, and enjoy planning the wedding for a little while. But even without working, I get to the point where I am so overwhelmed by the things that I need to accomplish in a day, along with mental, emotional, and financial struggles, that all I want to do is take a nap. Like today, the only thing I have thought about all day is sleeping. If I would have just taken an hour snooze, my day would have been much more productive.
The neat thing about the blog this year is that I feel like every day while writing, I'm learning something new about myself. Today I have learned that my life is not balanced and I really want it to be. How refreshing to feel calm, grounded, clear-headed, and motivated! Perhaps that will be my 2015 New Year's resolution-to live a more balanced life. I think if I am able to find a balance in my daily activities, then I will find a mental, physical, emotional, and financial balance as well. That would be the ultimate New Year's transformation!
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