Sheila Day 10
WELLLLLLL . . . I had a little bit of a meltdown yesterday, and perhaps a bit of a panic attack last night. My sister called and was super pumped because she had bought her outfits for every wedding event that was coming up, had finished up all of her Christmas shopping, and any number of other tasks that needed checked off her list. She was so excited as she told me about all of her days purchases! And I just have to point out that Dawn being prepared kinda freaked me out! I am the one who always has outfits planned, things thought out, and shopping done. This year, however, NOT!
Outfits for the bachelorette party? You mean I need those too? For the rehearsal dinner? That too? Yah, when was that again? I hid my invite from Rah when she came cuz most of it is a SURPRISE! Now surprise, I cannot find it! Shoes . . . what do I need those for? Wedding . . . why yes, it is only 49 days away! Holy cow BATMAN, the wedding is ONLY 49 days away! And then I thought of the Christmas shopping I had done, well, again nada, nothing, ZILCH! And then I thought of all of the things that still had to be done for the wedding, and Christmas, and shopping, and work, and personal things, and my head felt as though it would explode!!!!!!
Then I called Rah and the mom who always somehow finds the answers for her. The one that tells her not to stress, to relax, to have faith, as it always manages to work itself out. That MOM was finding it incredibly hard to follow my own advice. I could hear my own voice echoing as Rah told me to relax. In fact, I ACTUALLY think I heard her giggle a little bit as this is a side of her mama that she rarely sees. I am overwhelmed and a lot of WORRIED!
After I opened the box, I wrote a few things down, and carefully tucked them inside the box. I think I will give my worry to God and trust that he will show me the way, one baby step at a time. Hopefully, this is advice that we can all use in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.
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Sarah Day 10
"A week of worry is followed by a day of relief." That's what Jesse told me today when we talked about how much I have been worrying this past week. His brief moments of wisdom shock me. =)
I'm not feeling real worried today. I told Jesse that up until Thursday I was really nervous about my final presentations. Because I was nervous about my finals, I started to worry about everything else in my life too. Like money, and the wedding. That's just how I am. If I worry about one thing, I worry about all things. I'm feeling much more at ease today. My presentations are finished and I think they went really well, I only have a couple of assignments for the semester left, and as far as the money and the wedding, well . . . that's just life.
I wish I could say that over the years I have learned not to worry so much, but that's simply not true. I have always been a worrier and I probably always will be. Luckily, I have Mom and Jesse to calm me down when I get all stressed out and uptight. Mom usually tells to, "just relax, it will all work out." I don't typically like when she says that, it kind of frustrates me. I usually respond all crankily and say, "It's not just going to work out, nothing magically works itself out." But, I'll admit that she is usually right and things do fall into place. Mom is good with offering words of encouragement when I'm feeling low. I know that if I want someone to be bluntly honest with me that I should call Dad. His response is more along the lines of, "That sucks. What are you going to do?" Sometimes I need Dad's blunt honesty, but sometimes I need words of encouragement.
I have heard other's say that worrying is a waste of time and it just makes every situation seem worse than it really is, but I'm actually curious to know how people just don't worry? I feel like it's not possible. When something isn't going right and I'm stressed out and full of anxiety about something, telling myself not to worry about it is not going to stop me from doing it. I can tell myself that it is what it is, and whatever is meant to happen, will happen, but I'm still going to worry about it. Worrying is a part of life.
Yesterday I said that I feel like balance and planning are kind of the same thing. That I have to balance or plan out my day in order to accomplish what I need to accomplish. In this case, I feel like worrying and caring are kind of the same thing. I worry about the things that I care about. I worry about school because I care about it. I want to do the very best I can. I worry about money because I care about it. Not because I'm materialistic but because I need it to survive and to pay my bills. I worry about Jesse when he's at work because I care about him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. And I worry about my kitties when I'm gone because I care about them. I know that worrying isn't going to do a whole lot of good and it sometimes just riles me up inside thinking about the bad things that could happen. But I can't help it. Telling me not to worry is like telling me not to care. And maybe it's just me, but my week of worry makes me really love and appreciate my day of relief.
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